I’d suggest that you talk with your dietitian about what you’re eating and how you’re feeling. You say you’re eating fruits and vegetables, including tomatoes, and “some meat.” Find out your albumin level. If it’s low, you need more protein. A low albumin level can make you feel weak and tired.
Is your potassium level in the healthy range. If not, that could make your muscles weak. Nocturnal dialysis may be able to compensate for the amount of potassium you’re eating. However, if you go incenter and do dialysis 3 times a week for fewer hours, be sure to ask about diet and fluid limits. I’ve heard of a patient on nocturnal who went on a trip and dialyzed in-center. No one bothered to tell the patient what to watch and the patient ate as usual and died from high potassium. I don’t want that to happen to you!
OK, now to the social worker in me…I’m really sorry to hear about the death of your friend. Even if you haven’t seen your friend for a while, I’m sure it’s upsetting. Tell your doctor that you’re depressed. If you have a social worker, ask to talk with him/her to see if that helps. Ask if there are other patients nearby that you could get to know to form a social network if you’re having problems getting together with friends and family. Visiting with friends once a month or less wouldn’t be enough for me. If you can’t get together, perhaps you can talk by phone or email.
You say worrying is keeping you up nights. Not sleeping is probably adding to your depression. I suspect depression is keeping you from enjoying life. Not enjoying life is probably worrisome and worry keeps you up nights. It sounds to me like a vicious cycle.
You could start with trying to deal with your worries. You say you’re worrying about a problem with your sister. If you’ve tried and she’s not ready to deal with it, write her a letter pouring out your soul about the problem, wad it up, put it in the trash, and see if you can let it go. Maybe later, she will be ready to deal with it. If you’re worried about problems with water and BP, ask your doctor what you can do to control both of those a little better. Worrying about things without knowing how to handle them can make you feel out of control and depressed.
Do something that gets you out of your house occasionally and takes your mind off your worries. Pick up or resume a hobby, exercise, visit with friends or family. A social worker or other counselor from your area could probably suggest other things you could do.
People who have been depressed before are more likely to be depressed again. Medication for depression and/or anxiety might help, but it may take trying different ones and giving them time to act. Sometimes medications can take enough of the edge off the depression that you can begin to have the energy to do things you enjoy. Finding enjoyment in things helps to lift your spirits. Hopefully this will start an upward cycle.