Since this is for the care partners…and I’m taking care of my dad…I wanted to rant a little in a safe place and maybe see if someone had similar things to say? I’m dealing with an 86 year old man, who I love… but he’s the child I’ve never wanted and sometimes I’d like to just either run away to…I haven’t even thought where…or go and kiss all the Moms and Dads who are good to their kids and make great parents and responsible children. I don’t know how they do it. I don’t know how I do it. And I’m not gonna rave about religion helping…because that’s private, but I will say prayers and blessings, whomever the Good source it comes from, are always welcome help. And hugs…sometimes from people I’d never expect, those have helped too.
But to be with this man for every day now for over two years has been challenging. It started out as me temporarily taking time off of work to heal before injury as a massage therapist, and turned into this…I love my dad. When my mom died in 2010, I promised her I would take care of him; knowing he didn’t want to be in a “home” or an assisted living community, he became my responsibility to care for. I wasn’t sure then that he wouldn’t be able to pursue his life alone, until over a year into it. After that, I firmly committed my life to his preservation, with the caveat that he had to tell me when he was done. And I mean done with the trial of only eating certain foods, the doctors poking at him, etc. I was told his goal was 100 years old. He may not make it that far, but he may.
He’s already 5 yrs old mentally in many ways; not searching beyond the now of something and confused by new things or old things he doesn’t quite recall. But he’s working on his memoirs and doing his best to get it all down. Not all of it is accurate,especially the more current things, but he’s still trying. He’s such a happy, mellow guy. He’s easy to love, hard to take care of because he’s not a complainer, doesn’t say when something is off.
I wonder if someone else could do better, engage him better to get him the best help, but everyone professional says it’s me that’s doing the best job and giving him his best chance at life. So…no pressure.
Thank you to all the parents who stick by their kids and love them just enough to become independent amazing creatures.